What is this thing you call love?

As tvtropes article mentions:


"What is love? For humans, it's an emotion that can be the greatest antidote for misery, and a major cause of misery. Unfortunately, that transcendental quality doesn't translate too well into words, which is why love remains only a four-letter word for many non-humans  most humans for that matter)."


You can feel it, see how it affects things around you and yourself. Yet, you can't see it with your eyes or write it down on a piece of paper the way you sum up a mathematics question. Perhaps that is why we keep trying to seek it out without ever knowing exactly what it is.


It occurred to me that there are 2 kinds of love in this world - Conditional Love & Unconditional Love.

So much for Education = Success in Life eh?

Conditional Love


This is the one we see everyday, as seen in a website dedicated to doing their best to explain what is and isn't love:


"Our misconceptions of unconditional love began in early childhood, where we saw that when we did all the right things—when we were clean, quiet, obedient and otherwise “good”—people “loved” us. They smiled at us and spoke in gentle tones. But we also saw that when we were “bad,” all those signs of “love” instantly vanished. In short, we were taught by consistent experience that love was conditional, that we had to buy “love” from the people around us with our words and behavior."


In case I'm talking to a Malaysian (Yes, YOU!), it basically means:


Do Good/Be Nice/Help Out = Get Love, Kindness, Special Treatment etc.


It's no secret, we've been taught this since we were babies till we end up in urban society, working off our asses to get "Favors" from our higher ups. THIS is the love we are know very clearly in this world.


Don't get me wrong, conditional love is very much applicable in some parts of our lives. Example, the business world AKA the urban war zone. "You scratch my back, I might scratch yours", the gentleman's agreement for that matter which helps in the first stage of building a good business relationship and hopefully a great partnership.


Unconditional Love


It is a known fact: There are MANY people reading this who probably have never received any teeny bit of this and probably never realized what it was because of the way it was packaged and presented to you.


In Mandarin, there is an idiom that is translated as "Good medicine, Bitter Taste". Which applies to Unconditional Love AKA TRUE LOVE as well. Due to the nature of the society we live in, it's hard to see it. What would you expect from a living environment which applies the law of the jungle in it's own way, strong survive and the weak perish? Every Man for Himself!


Summary: Unconditional Love means to care for another person's wellbeing regardless of the benefits/losses that fall upon yourself. 


Easier said than done, considering that we latch onto anything that can potentially brings to us benefits/money/pleasure when the opportunity presents itself.


So far, I've seen unconditional love showing itself in 2 ways. Firstly, the maternal love of a mother towards her own son or daughter. Secondly, an old man giving advises to you when you're heading down the wrong path in life.


DO NOT give me that bullshit about "I love my boyfriend/girlfriend and I'm willing to do anything for him/her!" Tell me that when I point a gun at her and say: "If you want me to spare her, I will KILL you!" 


Unconditional Love isn't that thing you feel when you see that person every time , you may not even feel it while performing and showing it to others. Only the receiver can feel it based on your actions and the meaning behind the actions if you choose to reveal it to him/her.


From a self-help website, I very much agree to it:


"It's critical that we be able to distinguish between Real Love and conditional love. When we can't do that, we tend to settle for giving and receiving conditional love, which leaves us empty, unhappy, and frustrated. Fortunately, there are two reliable signs that love is not genuine: disappointment and anger. Every time we frown, sigh with disappointment, speak harshly, or in any way express our anger at other people, we're communicating that we're not getting what we want. At least in that moment, we are not caring for our partner's happiness, but only for our own. Our partner then senses our selfishness and feels disconnected from us and alone, no matter what we say or do."


To all you lovebirds out there who ever reads finish that entire article, I guarantee this truth:


It's not about always being there for her, it's about being there when she needs you the most.






If you managed to read finish this article, try reading it again in 3-6 months. I assure you that you will understand it differently if you give yourself a chance to understand it all over again, come again!